So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
At least life still wants to fuck me.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize