you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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