that's an acceptable place to lick
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
