I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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