Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
