Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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