dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
