Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
