I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
