Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
This baby is an asshole
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
