nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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