she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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