i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
