I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
