The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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