My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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