I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
