why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize