do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
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