I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
