I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
