I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
