I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
