Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
