I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
