Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
