She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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