I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just forgot I was standing up.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
