just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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