When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
