hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
