...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
