oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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