At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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