I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
What a dumb baby whore.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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