So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
