You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
