LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
