We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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