hotel room ftw
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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