i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the condom got lost in my hair
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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