whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
