she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
