dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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