you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
