I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
