Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize