I'm eating all of the evidence.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
ok first of all what the fuck
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
