somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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