Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
BRING THE BAGELS
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
