I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
