One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
