he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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