so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We left an ass print on the piano.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize