Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
When did angry sex become our thing?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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