I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
