i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
