so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
