Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
