So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
