Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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