3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
