Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
