you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
