the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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