She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
