you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize