im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize