I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Randomize
