Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Help. Why am I so naked?
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