im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
