Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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