apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
