i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
