R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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